lessons learned or re-learned

So it has been a very long while since I have written here.  I've been very busy, and as it has a way of doing so, life seems to have gotten in the way of my intentions.  I'm back and going to try to pick up my blog. Been busy with multiple things, some fun and exciting some a bit scary, but all worked out, at least for now.  Here are several things I have learned, or re-learned since my last post:

1. Things really do happen for a reason, we can question situations all we want, but until we are meant to understand them( and sometimes we won't) let them play out as much as we can and see where they take us.

2. Take care of yourself, no one else will, you have this one body, honor and respect it.

3. Hold on to your friends, tell them how important they are to you and take the opportunity to show them you care. The true ones will never judge you but will stand by you no matter what, ready to be what you need.

4. Laugh, doesn't matter if you are by yourself or with others, laugh, it's good for you and for those around you.

5. Let go, sometimes as much as you want to hold on to people, you have to let them go, letting someone go doesn't mean you don't care about them anymore, it just means that you recognize, for whatever reason, their presence in your life is done and the courteous and correct thing to do is to allow them to leave.  Bless them as they leave, in your mind or out loud, whichever works for you, "I bless you and this situation, I wish you happiness and fulfillment in the future" the blessing brings a bit of closure to what can be a tough situation sometimes.  

6. Gather your army, I have been reminded the past couple of months through personal experience, that if you have to face something scary don't do it alone, find the friends whom you trust, and can count on and have them help you through it as much as they can, it makes a difference.  Sometimes, when you are faced with a situation you just know who to go to, who you can talk to that will help you put it in perspective, and make you laugh and feel better in the process. 

7. Say thank you, sounds silly but those words mean a lot to those who hear them, and it reminds the person saying them that they aren't the only ones in the world and that sometimes you do require assistance, ask for and receive it humbly and always show sincere appreciation by saying "Thank You"  So to my friends, especially the ones that were there earlier this year when I was scared out of my wits for medical reasons "Thank You" sincerely and humbly, you knew what to say and how to make me laugh and I will never forget that, You are amazing and I am so lucky you are here! 

There are so many other lessons that I have been shown or re learned I could write a book! but these are some of the important ones, take them for what they are worth, apply them where you can and enjoy your life, have fun and be you!

Anger or Disappointment, choices...choices

Would you rather  be angry or disappointed about something or in someone?  Guess it all depends on the person(s) and situation.  For me, I believe that anger is an emotion, a feeling, it flashes and burns bright for a bit, but slowly dies out(talking anger here, not hatred, which is an entirely different thing). Disappointment, on the other hand, strikes more in the soul, and can wound on multiple levels.  A close friend told me once that anger is, 99% of the time,  misplaced fear and frustration, figure out what you are afraid of or what is frustrating you and a lot of the time it can help to dispell the anger.  Disappointment isn't so easy to get over, especially when it happens repeatedly, times in a row over the same situation or at the hands of the same person.  It hurts when someone is disappointed in you or when someone does something or doesn't do something, causing disappointment on your part.  It can rattle your nerves, and if done repeatedly, make you question their value in your life and your value in theirs.  Over time you come to expect disappointment from that person or situation,  the situation turned out not to be what you thought it would be, or that person didn't follow through on their word, at times leaving you a healthy combination of both anger and disappointment.  For me, I believe disappointment is harder to repair and harder to get over than anger, especially when it comes to people,  usually anger is directed at a situation where disappointment is usually directed at a person, I would rather be angry at someone than disappointed in them, I get over my anger, and if I truly care about you then when the anger is done we move forward, however disappointment...well that's another story.  I'm pretty patient and I tolerate a lot, especially from people I care about, but when you disappoint me, especially over and over again over the same situation then it shows me that maybe I expect to much from you or that I matter less to you than I thought, and that my feelings are of little concern, and then I don't get angry about it, I just stop giving a damn, and eventually, when I've reached my point I'll say "I'm done with you, screw you and the horse you rode in on" and then you'll be out of my life.   

Just do it..

Just do it...no I'm not talking about the shoe commercial, I'm talking about doing something just because.  Send flowers, bake cookies, write a letter, whatever, practice random acts of kindness and do it without expecting anything in return.  It's one of the nicest feelings, in my opinion, to do something for someone out of the blue, just because you want to and then see their look of surprise after it's done.   It doesn't have to be anything major or costly, sweep a neighbor's porch or take their trash can in for them one evening, share your flowers with them. Whatever the gesture may be do it with the expectation of..nothing in return, it's a selfless act of love and giving and that is what makes it even more important. When you do something with the expectation of getting something back, then I feel that you diminish the importance of the act, you aren't doing simply as a kind gesture, you are doing it because you have an ulterior motive, you want to be recognized by that person for what you have done, and you want to be noticed by them, and that kind of cancels out the selfless nature of the act. The thought of knowing that you helped that person out or made them smile should be thanks enough and should be your payment.  I've been able to do this recently and was able to help out two good friends of mine, kind of like a mini domino effect, simply because I was willing to do photography work for one of them and accept a trade instead of a payment to help the other get something they had be wanting for quite awhile, all done very quietly and with minimal people involved, it doesn't need to be a big production, the whole world doesn't need to know about it. (I told you all to show an example of how you can involve more than one person, I won't give names or any other details, they aren't important). I didn't think of myself, instead I was willing to give up payment and pass the benefit over to someone else.  So you see, even multiple people can benefit from one kind act.  Next time you see someone you know take a minute to think what you could do to make them smile and then, if you can just do it, don't expect anything in return, go on your way, and alot of times you find that you end up being rewarded in ways you didn't expect or imagine.

I'll do it tomorrow....

"I'll do it tomorrow" how many times have we said that phrase ourselves, or heard it said.  We have 50 things on our to do list, appointments to keep, errands to run, bills to pay..the list keeps growing and growing so we put off things because we don't have the time or the money.  I just read a post from a photographer that really made me stop and think about what is important and what isn't. This really made me think about how often I put off doing things because of so many reasons, that in many cases, aren't really reasons but excuses.  Imagine how you would live your life right now, this very instant, if you knew for a fact that one day soon you wouldn't have the luxury of saying "I'll do it tomorrow",  the changes you would make, the places you would go and the things you would say.  What would you regret, and would you attempt to change the things you could, seek forgiveness where possible and make peace with the parts of your life and the people in it that can't be changed? You can't put a price on love, forgiveness, family and friendships. Do what you can to preserve memories, whether it's a photograph, a journal, letters, scrapbooks, anything that will show the people around you that you love that you are a part of their lives and that having them in your life means something to you. Tell them how you feel, share your thoughts and your memories with them, always make sure they know how much they mean to you. To me, not taking a few minutes to honor those you love by preserving special moments with them is, in a way, treating them and their presence in your life like it's not very important, and that is never a good way to make someone feel.  Every time you say "I'll do it tomorrow" you are taking for granted that there will be another tomorrow, and that everyone in your life will have another tomorrow and that is something that is never promised to us, because your "tomorrow" could be today.

This is the link that inspired this blog post, please read and take a moment to think about it.        http://fototails.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/a-letter-on-my-doorstep-portraits-are-more-than-paper/

In the Grand Scheme of Things...

One moment, a split second in our entire life and it seems to last forever.  The hardest things in life are the things we may be experiencing right now, and all we can think of is how badly we want to be done with them.  I know that is how I feel.  2012 has arrived and I am still dealing with leftovers of 2011 and I so want to be done with them! Things I need to close the book on.  I feel like my life will forever be consumed by these things and how huge they are.  In the grand scheme of things, when I take a step back and work to put them in perspective I realize that although they are important and they do have to be resolved they are only as big as I allow them to be. I name them and recognize them and then work to resolve them and it takes some time to do so, some of these issues have been years in the making and they will not be resolved in a few days or months, or at least not to my satisfaction.  I am trying to learn how to live my life in a grateful and purpose filled way, not taking for granted the important things and trying to give back to those that have given to me.  Easier said than done but it's important to me to recognize those people and events that mean alot to me and have made me a better person, and I am finding that as I work my way into doing these things I am met with resentment from people in my life, I guess they are more of the selfish mindset than I am.  To me, if you look at the big picture that is your life it's important to recognize the bad with the good, both got you to where you are at this very moment and it's what you do in your next steps, and the next actions that you take that will help set your future path. In the grand scheme of things everything is connected good to bad, past to present and present to future and when something seems overwhelming try to remind yourself that whatever it is will only be a part of your life and that you have the power to overcome the bad and turn it into something good.  Our life is made up of many parts and it's up to us how we put those parts together and what we do with them.   Be yourself and allow the best of you to help others when, maybe, they aren't at their best and could use a little nudge to pick up the pieces and try again.