"What you allow to happen will continue to happen". what a loaded statement and so very true! quite often we allow those people in our lives, the ones we really care about to get by with things that we normally wouldn't allow. I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing but when it happens over and over it becomes a habit and you end up setting a precedent for behavior and habits that you end up disliking and that can very easily hurt you in the end.
So what do we do? we draw a line in the sand when we see this behavior happening, we tell this person that is engaging in this behavior "look once is OK, you had a good reason for....but it's happening quite a lot and I feel like you are taking advantage of me, it needs to stop" If they are your true friend then they will recognize the pattern and do their part to stop it, but you have to do yours as well by refusing to continue to put up with the behavior and calling their attention to it when it becomes uncomfortable. If this "friend" continues to do these things even after you've mentioned it to them and they show little remorse or are constantly making excuses for their behavior then you have to re-evaluate your relationship with them and if it's worth continuing.
Confronting a friend or family member on something is never a pleasant experience and it can leave us feeling nervous and anxious, especially if they've been a close friend or someone you have a close relationship with. You wonder what you will say, and how they will take it, will the relationship still be intact or ultimately will things end. Who knows but sometimes it's better to bring the behavior to their attention and make the attempt to change things and preserve what you have rather than automatically assume the person knows that their behavior is causing an issue and just cut them out of your life.
Doing this sometimes brings the relationship to a whole new and better level and opens the lines of communications in ways you may not have imagined, and other times, well, it may just bring things tumbling down like a tower of carelessly stacked bricks. You just never really know. You do owe yourself the right to not be taken advantage of, to have people in your life that accepts you and treats you like you would treat them. If they can't or won't do that then maybe they would be better off somewhere else.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
**Import from old blog 2008**
Do you ever sit back and really take a look at your life? examine it and think "this is exactly where I thought I would be", or "no, this is nothing like what I thought my life would be like"? Sometimes I do this and I realize that even with my job, my family, photography, reiki, volunteer work and friends that my life is pretty lonely. I seem to exist for others, that my sole purpose in life is to make others happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I can do that, I enjoy making the people I care about smile and feel better about things, it's just something I do. But at the end of the day or when I'm in a blue funk there's really no one to return the favor. I do have friends that care about me (you know who you are) and listen but sometimes it's still a feeling of aloneness. I sometimes feel that I walk a path and I walk it in a detached sort of way, not quite by myself but not as a part of anything either. The listener to problems, the one who works to help others problems go away, the one who puts her problems and worries aside to help her friends because it's what she does, doesn't have someone to pick up a sword and help her fight her demons so to speak, maybe it's because I don't ask, I'm so used to being the one that people turn to, I haven't figured out how to let others step in and help me, maybe I'm just uneasy about letting others help me or maybe it's just how I am, who knows. I know there are people in my life that would pick up that sword so to speak and fight that fight just as I would for them, maybe one day I'll be willing to let them do that. Either way, sometimes it doesn't matter who you have in your life, what you do, or where you're at, sometimes when you look at the whole picture, it's really just you and that's pretty lonely
Do you ever sit back and really take a look at your life? examine it and think "this is exactly where I thought I would be", or "no, this is nothing like what I thought my life would be like"? Sometimes I do this and I realize that even with my job, my family, photography, reiki, volunteer work and friends that my life is pretty lonely. I seem to exist for others, that my sole purpose in life is to make others happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I can do that, I enjoy making the people I care about smile and feel better about things, it's just something I do. But at the end of the day or when I'm in a blue funk there's really no one to return the favor. I do have friends that care about me (you know who you are) and listen but sometimes it's still a feeling of aloneness. I sometimes feel that I walk a path and I walk it in a detached sort of way, not quite by myself but not as a part of anything either. The listener to problems, the one who works to help others problems go away, the one who puts her problems and worries aside to help her friends because it's what she does, doesn't have someone to pick up a sword and help her fight her demons so to speak, maybe it's because I don't ask, I'm so used to being the one that people turn to, I haven't figured out how to let others step in and help me, maybe I'm just uneasy about letting others help me or maybe it's just how I am, who knows. I know there are people in my life that would pick up that sword so to speak and fight that fight just as I would for them, maybe one day I'll be willing to let them do that. Either way, sometimes it doesn't matter who you have in your life, what you do, or where you're at, sometimes when you look at the whole picture, it's really just you and that's pretty lonely
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