lessons learned or re-learned

So it has been a very long while since I have written here.  I've been very busy, and as it has a way of doing so, life seems to have gotten in the way of my intentions.  I'm back and going to try to pick up my blog. Been busy with multiple things, some fun and exciting some a bit scary, but all worked out, at least for now.  Here are several things I have learned, or re-learned since my last post:

1. Things really do happen for a reason, we can question situations all we want, but until we are meant to understand them( and sometimes we won't) let them play out as much as we can and see where they take us.

2. Take care of yourself, no one else will, you have this one body, honor and respect it.

3. Hold on to your friends, tell them how important they are to you and take the opportunity to show them you care. The true ones will never judge you but will stand by you no matter what, ready to be what you need.

4. Laugh, doesn't matter if you are by yourself or with others, laugh, it's good for you and for those around you.

5. Let go, sometimes as much as you want to hold on to people, you have to let them go, letting someone go doesn't mean you don't care about them anymore, it just means that you recognize, for whatever reason, their presence in your life is done and the courteous and correct thing to do is to allow them to leave.  Bless them as they leave, in your mind or out loud, whichever works for you, "I bless you and this situation, I wish you happiness and fulfillment in the future" the blessing brings a bit of closure to what can be a tough situation sometimes.  

6. Gather your army, I have been reminded the past couple of months through personal experience, that if you have to face something scary don't do it alone, find the friends whom you trust, and can count on and have them help you through it as much as they can, it makes a difference.  Sometimes, when you are faced with a situation you just know who to go to, who you can talk to that will help you put it in perspective, and make you laugh and feel better in the process. 

7. Say thank you, sounds silly but those words mean a lot to those who hear them, and it reminds the person saying them that they aren't the only ones in the world and that sometimes you do require assistance, ask for and receive it humbly and always show sincere appreciation by saying "Thank You"  So to my friends, especially the ones that were there earlier this year when I was scared out of my wits for medical reasons "Thank You" sincerely and humbly, you knew what to say and how to make me laugh and I will never forget that, You are amazing and I am so lucky you are here! 

There are so many other lessons that I have been shown or re learned I could write a book! but these are some of the important ones, take them for what they are worth, apply them where you can and enjoy your life, have fun and be you!

Anger or Disappointment, choices...choices

Would you rather  be angry or disappointed about something or in someone?  Guess it all depends on the person(s) and situation.  For me, I believe that anger is an emotion, a feeling, it flashes and burns bright for a bit, but slowly dies out(talking anger here, not hatred, which is an entirely different thing). Disappointment, on the other hand, strikes more in the soul, and can wound on multiple levels.  A close friend told me once that anger is, 99% of the time,  misplaced fear and frustration, figure out what you are afraid of or what is frustrating you and a lot of the time it can help to dispell the anger.  Disappointment isn't so easy to get over, especially when it happens repeatedly, times in a row over the same situation or at the hands of the same person.  It hurts when someone is disappointed in you or when someone does something or doesn't do something, causing disappointment on your part.  It can rattle your nerves, and if done repeatedly, make you question their value in your life and your value in theirs.  Over time you come to expect disappointment from that person or situation,  the situation turned out not to be what you thought it would be, or that person didn't follow through on their word, at times leaving you a healthy combination of both anger and disappointment.  For me, I believe disappointment is harder to repair and harder to get over than anger, especially when it comes to people,  usually anger is directed at a situation where disappointment is usually directed at a person, I would rather be angry at someone than disappointed in them, I get over my anger, and if I truly care about you then when the anger is done we move forward, however disappointment...well that's another story.  I'm pretty patient and I tolerate a lot, especially from people I care about, but when you disappoint me, especially over and over again over the same situation then it shows me that maybe I expect to much from you or that I matter less to you than I thought, and that my feelings are of little concern, and then I don't get angry about it, I just stop giving a damn, and eventually, when I've reached my point I'll say "I'm done with you, screw you and the horse you rode in on" and then you'll be out of my life.   

In the Grand Scheme of Things...

One moment, a split second in our entire life and it seems to last forever.  The hardest things in life are the things we may be experiencing right now, and all we can think of is how badly we want to be done with them.  I know that is how I feel.  2012 has arrived and I am still dealing with leftovers of 2011 and I so want to be done with them! Things I need to close the book on.  I feel like my life will forever be consumed by these things and how huge they are.  In the grand scheme of things, when I take a step back and work to put them in perspective I realize that although they are important and they do have to be resolved they are only as big as I allow them to be. I name them and recognize them and then work to resolve them and it takes some time to do so, some of these issues have been years in the making and they will not be resolved in a few days or months, or at least not to my satisfaction.  I am trying to learn how to live my life in a grateful and purpose filled way, not taking for granted the important things and trying to give back to those that have given to me.  Easier said than done but it's important to me to recognize those people and events that mean alot to me and have made me a better person, and I am finding that as I work my way into doing these things I am met with resentment from people in my life, I guess they are more of the selfish mindset than I am.  To me, if you look at the big picture that is your life it's important to recognize the bad with the good, both got you to where you are at this very moment and it's what you do in your next steps, and the next actions that you take that will help set your future path. In the grand scheme of things everything is connected good to bad, past to present and present to future and when something seems overwhelming try to remind yourself that whatever it is will only be a part of your life and that you have the power to overcome the bad and turn it into something good.  Our life is made up of many parts and it's up to us how we put those parts together and what we do with them.   Be yourself and allow the best of you to help others when, maybe, they aren't at their best and could use a little nudge to pick up the pieces and try again.

I Am Perfect...Perfectly Imperfect!

I am perfect...perfectly flawed. Our quirks and habits are what makes us so interesting and unique. If everyone were just like the next person then imagine how boring the world would be. Exact replicas of the person before us and the person after us, the same generic attitude and lifestyle?, nah, I don't think so! give me different and interesting please! Instead I choose to live my life the way I want to(or as much as I can), with my quirks and my habits, that is what makes me uniquely and completely me. I have tattoos and curly red hair, I can cuss with the best of them and I cry over sad movies and books, I'm a coffee addict(especially mochas) and I have a unique way of stretching out on pier railings fully clothed, just because. Do those things make me a freak? nope they make me, me. I am what I am, nothing more, nothing less, just me. You can accept it and enjoy life with me or you can point your finger, laugh and walk away, your choice, not mine. I love who and how I am, I love sharing my life with people that mean alot to me, and I am tired of trying to change myself to suit others' opinions and expectations of me, so if you don't like me how I am then keep on movin', nothing for you in my life and you probably couldn't handle it anyway. I believe there is a saying that goes"If you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" I agree with that 110%, Accept me for me including all my uniqueness and quirks, if that is what caught your eye and kept your attention then why would you want to change it? Never settle for being a copy when you can be an original! I'm all about the whole "square peg in a round hole" idea, same 'ol same 'ol is boring. It has taken me many years to perfect my originality, and I'm still working on it, and many years of being something I'm not, trying to please people that can't be pleased, and I started to realize that it's not my fault and I can't expect people to accept what they can't or won't understand, and then I started to realize I wasn't good at being a fake, trying to mold myself to others' expectations depressed me and kept me out of sorts, so it's time to be an original, if it means some people can't handle it, then I suggest you head for the nearest exit, if you think you can handle it, and you want to be part of an adventure then I suggest that you tighten your seat belt and hang on, 'cause it's gonna be a hell of a ride baby!!

Lessons Learned by Walking Away

I think the hardest thing a person can do is let go of someone they love or really care about and watch them walk away, knowing that for whatever reason it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes people are part of our lives' for just a short amount of time, and regardless of how badly we want them to stay they slip quietly away when we least expect it, like the softest whisper, their purpose fulfilled in our life. Whether it's a marriage, a close friendship or any other type of relationship, having to turn that person loose, especially if they were within a closer or more intimate part of your life can be a very hard thing to do.  Seeing that person walk away from you and leave your life can leave a void that may not ever be filled, it can leave you questioning yourself and wondering what went wrong and if there could have been something done to prevent it, it hurts, and it stings and sometimes, when you least expect it, it makes you feel as if your heart, the one you shared has been thrown back in your face. You may experience hurt, anger, denial, several different emotions, you go through a grieving process of sorts and then you realize how much that person meant to you and over time you start to focus on the good memories, the times that made you smile and laugh, remembering these times may hurt at first, they may make you cry and you may just want to forget everything you can about that person, but over time it gets easier, not easy but easier.  It's a part of your life that happened, it helped to get you where you are, honor it for what it was, and is, try to make peace with it, and if you can't do it in person then in your heart and soul wish that person well, sometimes we learn the most, and grow the most when the things and people we thought we could never live without are suddenly gone and we are left with nothing but pleasant memories and lessons learned.

    

A Simple Phrase

"It is what it is".  This is such a simple phrase to say but it has such meaning and impact.  Quite simply the situation is and that is how it will be, for whatever reason.  People often tell others "I hope things work out and you will be happy " I say "I hope the situation works out the way it was meant to".  That's just me and a lot of times people don't understand why I say that, well let me explain, maybe you aren't meant to be happy in whatever sitaution you are in, instead maybe whatever you are feeling is necessary for you to move forward and learn and grow.  Maybe the situation you are in requires a certain amount of pain or tears, let's face it life isn't all unicorns and glitter, sometimes life requires us to experience loss and heartache, uncertainity and dealing with things we don't want to deal with.  No, I'm not being a pessimist, I'm being a realist, that's how I roll, although sometimes I should curb it, I will admit. Use your situation to learn from, allow, within reason, yourself to experience whatever particular situation you may be in but remember, you do have the power within yourself to make changes and create new situations if what you have isn't working, it may not be easy and it may require some help but it can be done, you just have to want it bad enough and you have to be willing to reach out and accept help if it's offered and ask for help when it's needed.

Real or Fake?

Sometimes, we as human beings and to an extent natural worriers create problems that aren't really there.  We take only partial facts, one side of a story or situation and create the parts that we don't know from our own thoughts and insecurities.  In doing this we create problems that aren't real and situations that are far more complicated and extreme than what they really are.  We sometimes forget that a miscommunication is simply that, the person you are trying to reach may be extremely busy or may have just forgotten to get back to you.  So instead of jumping on the phone and calling them or shooting off a text questioning their motives, let it rest, do nothing and see what happens. A lot of times you will find that the situation will work itself out and that you have actually given the other person a chance to step up and take responsibility for opening the line of communication.  Think about what may be going on in the other person's life, stressful work situation, crazy schedule at school, have they been sick or maybe home life isn't so great? life's issues prevent us from doing the most basic of things sometimes, sleep, communication, exercise, eating healthy, all of these things tend to get put on the back burner because of life's demands and because of this, problems, real or imagined are created  and then we are left to wonder what is going on with the other person or what we may have done to make them avoid us.  So I would say, leave it alone, let the situation rest for a bit and see what happens.  Sometimes the best action is nothing at all.  

A Few Of My Favorite Things

Just a light hearted post for now.  We all have "things" in our lives that make us go "mmmmm"...sometimes they are simple and uncomplicated and sometimes the exact opposite.  So for right now and in no particular order I thought I would list a few of my favorite things, those things that make me go "mmmmm...."

Sunflowers-beautiful and they always make me smile

The Beach-tranquil and the sound of the ocean is very soothing to a ruffled spirit

Coffee with honey- great combination and something I found recently, now I have a cup or two every morning, and I almost have the honey to coffee ratio right :) .
A Good Stretch-feels great especially after a tough workout 
Reiki- 3 years and counting, sometimes I don't always practice but it is always with me.
Massage- I've had only a few of these, but especially when you get my trouble spots, oh yeah!
Laughter- I'm talking the "let down your guard, laugh until you can't see" type, not the contained, restrained, fake laughter.
Yoga- I have restarted yoga classes and am so glad I did, very good energy and positive spirit when you are going through the poses.

Meditation- Along with yoga I am starting to incorporate meditation into my routine each day, even 15 minutes can work wonders on a person's spirit.
PMR- or pray, meditate, reki, these three things done together are powerful tools for calming yourself, if you have the ability to do all three together then do it, amazing!! and thanks to a dear friend of mine for suggesting these, I do them all but never have done them together so THANK YOU!  

These are just a few, there are certainly more but these are the basics, and when I can incorporate at least a couple of these into my day I find that usually, regardless of whatever may present itself, the day ends up turning out pretty good..

From the Heart

Another old blog post, from 2008 I believe:

I act from the heart quite often.  Sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes it gets me into trouble.  I have always said "I am who I am, nothing more, nothing less, just me"  I do what I feel needs to be done in that particular moment or for that particular situation.  The people in my life are there because, I hope, they choose to be there, I would never expect someone to be my friend out of obligation, no one is "expected" to stay a part of my life and I would never want you to feel that way.  I share my life and my heart with those that are important to me and those that I care about, now having said that I will say that sometimes we make choices in our life regarding things or people that we want to change and sometimes it's not an easy thing to do so therefore, those things and people are still a part of your life even though you may want them gone, when the time is right it will happen, because sometimes when you give from the heart and love from the heart those things or people that aren't important or that have shunned you or made you feel less worthy or worthwhile simply must go, and it's a matter of timing and letting go, the pieces must be in place and then the situation will take care of itself.  I am a very caring, nuturing person and I do not enjoy seeing those within my "heart circle"(the ones that really matter and you know who you are) hurt, or suffer in any way, it drives me up the wall because I can't fix it but that doesn't mean I won't try..and try.  I will cry tears for you, worry for you, fight for you, lose sleep, anything if it will make your situation better, and I'll worry about me later.  But if you have hurt me, or made me feel like I'm not worth your time or effort, that I don't matter and that I'm not good enough, (and yes you know who you are also) then you may still be a part of my life but I can guarantee you, you are NOT part of my heart and that you will eventually be put out for good, and the door will hit you in the ass on the way out.    

The Yin and Yang of life

The Yin and Yang of Life Everything must be in balance, or the order of life will fall apart. Too much of a good thing and a person becomes overconfident and takes things for granted. Too much of a bad thing and a person loses hope and the desire to continue. A little good mixed with a little bad is needed to keep a person humble but just confident enough to continue, this is the way life is meant to be. A friend of mine once told me there is an imaginary circle around all of us, it defines our comfort zones and where we draw the line at risk taking. We must be willing to push the edges of the circle, continually adjusting our lives and taking risks without completely breaking the line and losing sight of what is truly important, (overconfidence enters here along with the potential for many bad things). If you push too hard and break that line completely you run the risk of losing sight of the center of your circle which is where the things that matter most are and where you are most comfortable. Take risks, that is what helps you grow and develop as a person but do so rationally and if you do break the line or go too far, go back to the center of your circle, collect yourself and try again, hopefully a little wiser and a bit more humble. To not take a risk would be to deny yourself the chance to grow and try new things and this is just as bad as taking too many risks. There must be balance in all things, don't be afraid, if you fall you get back up, think about what you did and figure out a way to do it differently and better; if you take a risk and fail, collect yourself, look at what went wrong and how you can do it better or differently or even if it to begin with. Sometimes the outcome does not justify the means of getting there so you must understand and accept this and walk away. Balance, that is what it is about. Yin and Yang, to have harmony you must have both.

The Path We Walk

People often speak of coincidences, well I am learning that there is no such thing in life.  Everything happens for a reason, whether the reason is clear to us or not doesn't matter.  Our Higher Power is the only one that knows what we are truly meant to do with our lives, and although we are given choices to make and paths to walk, ultimately we will wind up where our Higher Power wants us to be.  We may be allowed to linger for a certain amount of time in relationships and careers, places or situations but if that isn't where we are truly meant to be then something will happen and we will be steered away from that particular part of our life, keep in mind that this will only happen when it is meant to happen, not before.  Sometimes I question a decision or a choice I made, and if I dare to sit down and study that decision or choice then I can usually link it to some prior event in my life, whether it involved me directly or whether I was on the "fringe" of the event, somehow it affected me enough to influence me later in life.  We will all get to the life destination we were meant to get to, I think that the life destinatnion is out of our hands, but the journey is up to us, and that our journey is dictated by our decisions and choices, and how much we learn and experience along the way is directly linked to those choices and decisions.  Enjoy your journey, experience both the good and the bad, and don't always choose the easy path, because sometimes you miss out on some of the most wonderful parts of life if you turn your back and walk away when something gets a little bit tough.